Aging Gracefully

Dear Insufferable Hags and Repugnant Fools,

          I... I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. It's just that the years have turned me into this aged bore, and i've fallen right into the trenches of the life sentence I like to call my college career.

        Getting old is hard, cause it turns what used to be interesting, fun, and fresh peoples like I once was into miserable, goal-oriented, "driven" adults.

       I'm turning 21 this summer- I know, I know... most of you liked that I was jailbait! Anyway, I think I need you kids to remind me how much fun I used to be before I get too old to remember, lose my hearing, and wind up buying one of these:

So kids, what should I do for my 21st birthday? Don't be stingy with the crazy ideas, i'm so trapped in my non-adventuresome life i'm over-compensating by being up for anything these days!

i'm old.

just call me Oldilocks.

birds

Sometimes in the city, you take things forgranted. Like the birds.

I, for instance, might be walking around with someone when they suddenly hear the birds tweet and say "Listen to the birds!"

And I think yeah? So what?

But I realized something on my 6-day backpacking trip in the Sierras. Lotta birds chirpin' there, let me tell ya.

The birds aren't just chirping for the bloody sam hell of it. They're not doing it to entertain us.

They're communicating- mating, locating, and probably even talking shit about us.

Heck, the birds are probably saying things like:

Hey now, Mr. Bluebird. That last one wasn't very nice- but it gave "birdshit" a whole new meaning. ::knee-slap::

I'm horrible.

The end.

Why, hello Xanga Community.

It's been awhile, hasn't it. I'm obliged to say that i've been quite sick.

1) I've had fluid in my ears.

2) I've had a sore throat.

3) I have pink eye.

4) I have gashes in both of my corneas. And have not been able to open my eyes for the past three days.

 But fear not, for there is a God and he has made a marvel of a drug called Oxycodone (a.k.a. Percocet)

Obviously, part of my vision is back (though I am still seeing double) I'm not big on drugs, but wow. No wonder they don't like to give this shit away.

I can actually open my eyes now with little pain, and might I say a slight sense of euphoria? Oh my, look at me singing praises like it's some magnificent concoction. I better stop while i'm ahead. Happy Monday! Don't scratch your corneas. kids. Unless you want drugs.

Currently Listening Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap By AC/DC She's Got Big Balls see related

You really shouldn't joke about that...

Man, I'm tired of people complaining about being offended at things other people say. We all just need to start being a little less negligent about the things we say and more sensitive to the feelings of celebrities, minorities, and fatsos. So I made a list of things we shouldn't joke about- it's about time someone did.

1) You shouldn't joke about the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Even though his own best friend makes fun of his FOB accent.

2) You shouldn't joke about how old the women  are on "Sex and the City." A lot of guys like it when chicks can take out their teeth. You know. For "hygenic purposes."

3) You shouldn't joke about girls with muffin tops on their jeans. Muffins are delicious!

4) You shouldn't make fun of blind people. Even though they may swing their walking canes quite obtusely on the corner of Tapia and Font, forcing you to jump out of their way and into the path of a moving vehicle... jerk.

5) You shouldn't joke about Dumbledore being gay. "..[T]apped it gently with the tip of his wand."¹  will never mean the same thing again.

I think i've done the world a great service. Yeah, you should definitely not joke about things like that. The end.

¹ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by J.K. Rowling